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Desire: Friend or Foe?

What do you want?



“You should know what you want most from life and you should have a plan for getting it… you must move on your own personal initiative because no one else can tell you what you should want most.” ~ Napoleon Hill



What do you think of when you hear the word desire? Some think of passion or sex, some think lifestyle or possessions, and yet others would rather not think of it at all. Like its a dirty word or something.



Desire is the force of life. It's what's drive us to be better, do better and live better.



It's the first layer to finding happiness within. It’s the first step in manifesting using the Law of Attraction and it’s the first step in creating your life design plan. To me, that makes desire the true trifecta of life.

Knowing your desires, goals and ambitions is the basis of living life by design. It's knowing what you want. It's how you create your world and your life experiences.



What tends to happen is we’re constantly being bombarded with desires or what should be our desires as defined by society. It comes from the exterior world telling us what we should desire, be it from the media, our partners, our family, friends, bosses, etc. It can be manufactured desire, which comes from companies that pay billions to capture our attention, influence and stimulate our senses, and make us think we not only want what they sell, but need it.

Sometimes that feeling of desire is a feeling of not having enough. It’s feeling like you need something more to be complete. It’s that belief that you have to keep up with the Joneses, or that you have to buy this or that or you have to have that to feel happiness.

What do you desire? What do you want? I asked myself that question. And I fell in to that trap of believing what I wanted was what others told me I needed.


I had just completed my coaching certification program and was told that every great coach has a book. That's how you grow and become an expert in your field. So, I wanted to be an author. I had already written my story, but never thought of publishing it until then. I hired a coach to help me get exposure. She was highly recommended and very expensive, at least to me at that time. I had to sign on with her for several months. I had to get a "job" as I was retired and my retirement didn't include her "rate". But my desire was strong, so I did what I had to do. Success. I published my book and got an article in a magazine. She was worth every penny.


But was it what I really wanted? Don't get me wrong. It felt good to be a published author and I had made a great accomplishment in my life. But...my desires changed. A better way to say it...I don't think that's what I really wanted.


So there I was working at a menial job with no mental stimulation. At this point, I had learned about the law of attraction and knew that I could be anything, have anything and do anything I wanted.



So I tested the Universe. What I wanted more than anything at this point was to be happy. As I reflected and meditated on what would make me truly happy. I found it was freedom. Freedom of time, space and money. Now I have all of that and it gets better every day.



Desire comes from the heart and your heart is the most powerful muscle in your body, so listen to it. Following your heart demonstrates that you’re consciously aware of your wants, needs, and values and that you’ve thought about how you want your life to progress.

It is not possible for your desires to be wrong. But you may not have confidence in your desires. And that’s when you wobble, when you lose focus, and get distracted, or doubt your worthiness. Let go of the doubt because you are worthy of everything you want.



“You are worthy and deserving of living an exceptional life, a designer life. One designed for you by you. ”



So how does one define what their heart truly desires, and not what society has influenced them into believing they want.


Here’s an exercise to help you reflect on what you believe will create more happiness in your life and WHY you believe it. It’s important to know that just merely reflecting on your desires and observing whether they are authentically yours or influenced by others can help you release desires that you hold back.


  1. What are the circumstances and/or things (desires) that you believe will make you happy?

  2. Why do you believe that those circumstances will create happiness?

  3. Are any of the above influenced primarily by society, your friends, partner or upbringing? If yes, which ones?

  4. Are your authentic desires different than the above? If so, what are they?

Be honest with yourself. Do you find that you do things and create desires because you think you “should” and not because you really want to? Are you doing it because someone else thinks it’s what is best, or in order to please someone, or to avoid being rejected?


Making decisions based on what others think is giving away your power. Are you willing to continue to allow other people to limit your life?


There are more steps to help you determine if you are giving away your power, and therefore limiting your life by living someone else's desires.


To get the full worksheet on Defining Your Desires, click the link below.




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